Every Monday night, we have one of our young adult guys over for dinner. I’ve known the one we hosted this week for about five years now. We first met outside one of the University dining halls when I was just starting as our college pastor. Over those years he’s not only graduated college, but he’s grown immensely in his faith.

For my friend, part of that growth has meant spending the last few years single, wondering when and if he would ever meet “the one.” Walking through those thoughts with him, I can definitely remember asking the same questions. I also remember thinking, “If I could just meet her, then all my problems would be solved.” Looking back, that line of reasoning was just one of many iterations of the same thing for me: If I could just have X, then I wouldn’t have to be dependent on God.

The first round might have been about finding a wife. Maybe the second was about finding my calling. After that could have been kids. Then success. A certain level of security or comfort. Don’t get me wrong, Kayla is wonderful – but soon enough after getting married, we both realized all of our problems weren’t solved. I’m pretty sure she actually gained quite a few!

Only time will tell, but my friend seems to have met “the one.” The first few weeks of dating have been amazing, but he’s realizing that same thing – turns out even with her, he is still going to need to trust in God. There are still questions. In fact, in some ways, now there are even more questions.

There seems to be a common misconception among Christians (including myself) that maturing in your faith means you will have less and less questions. More variables will get answered. Aspects of your life will fall into place. And most things will get nicely figured out. Of course, some questions did get answered for me. Though some are called to singleness, I was made to be married to Kayla. (Thank you, Lord!) Though some are unable, thankfully we were able to have children. I did discover my calling, and it seems I’ve been kind of successful at it.

But, along the way, as each one of those questions were answered, other questions have arisen. Am I able to give Kayla everything she needs? (No) Can we raise our children perfectly so they have wonderful lives? (No) Do I have what it takes to fulfil my calling? (No) Maybe most important of all – along the way: Am I able to enjoy my wife, my family, my vocation? (In and of myself – again, the answer is: No) Dang it! This is getting depressing!

Well, it’s only depressing if I am uncomfortable with dependence – specifically, dependence on God. I told my friend last night that this round of questions about marriage might be over, but they were just training for the next round. Staying close to Jesus, leaning on Him, not giving up has yielded some absolutely crucial lessons. How to wait. How to trust. How to not force or manipulate outcomes. How to listen. Those are things that a sermon, a blog (or even a somewhat mediocre preacher) can’t teach you. But, Jesus can. And as He teaches you, He transforms you. You actually become better at depending on Him. In some ways, sanctification returns us to childishness as we learn that our Dad is actually a really good Dad. 

In Deuteronomy, Moses is continually laying before God’s people two ways to approach their questions. The way of life and the way of death. In modern terms, the way of death looks like an attempt at independence. “I got this.” To me, that seems very similar to the way that most non-Christian, Americans approach life. Whereas, Moses tells us that the way of life looks like a deep, daily dependence on God. The Israelites followed God daily for 40 years. He fed them. He led them. Their clothes and shoes did not wear out. Nor did their feet fail them. This time was intended for them to get to know Him and to prepare them to enter the Promised Land.

Is Christ not preparing us now to enter into the ultimate destination He is preparing for us? Absolutely! Why then do I keep expecting more and more certainty, and less and less dependence? Maybe it’s time for me to reset my expectations, and lock in for depending on Him, regardless of what comes my way.