We repeatedly hear that we need to forgive, but doing it is another matter.  I think we would all agree that releasing the offender can prove difficult as pain and anger prick at our hurts making them hard to heal. At times, we bury things we don’t want to acknowledge only to find them emerging again, often when we least expect it.  Forgiveness takes a strength beyond what we humanly possess. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit gives us what we need to do it.  Not only are we called to forgive but it is an essential part of our Christian journey. Steve Cordell says it this way; “Forgiveness is not a burdensome duty for those who want a Jesus shaped life; it is a path to freedom from bitterness.”   

For me, I have discovered that the first step toward forgiveness begins with identifying what happened, who did it, and how I responded in my heart. A struggle that I think many of us have experienced is that we don’t want to feel the pain again, so we don’t address it. It is so much easier to just stay busy and push it aside. I have learned, though, that things don’t go away just because they are not addressed, they often fester. There are things in life that require us to slow down and address, and by naming the offense and the offender it can bring clarity and break the hold of denial and suppression. When we take the time to connect our memory of the account with the emotion we felt, that’s a good first step in the journey toward forgiveness. 

Unfortunately, at times, I have fallen into lies that have fueled my human pride. I have, unknowingly, judged the one who I really needed to forgive. Being so hurt, I lived out of painfilled emotions, confused about what forgiveness really was. I fell into believing the lie that if I forgave, it made what they did alright, and justice would not be served. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit led me forward on the path bringing clarity and He did not let me remain there.

We can also easily fall into the trap of self-righteous thinking that forgiveness should come to us from God but does not have to extend from us to others.  In truth, no one deserves forgiveness. That is what makes what Jesus did so extraordinary.  God first forgave us. It is not earned, as we read in 2 Corinthians 5:21; “For our sake He made Him to be sin who knew no sin, so that we might become the righteousness of God.”

By staying focused on Jesus and what He has done for me, only then am I able to release those who have wronged me. I have to ask myself, “What do I want to grow, bitterness or my relationship with Jesus?” If we want a deeper and closer relationship with Jesus, rather than focus on the who or what was done to us, we must set our minds on what Jesus has done for us and ask the Holy Spirit to empower us to forgive. He will not leave us or forsake us but help us in times of trial and difficulty. When I am working through forgiving someone it helps me to ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the love of Jesus in my heart, touching me deeper than the pain I have experienced. I have found, time and time again, that He is faithful and His love is stronger than the pain.  Those who have wronged us may never know the pain they have caused but our forgiveness is not based on how they act but on what Jesus has done. 

When someone hurts us deeply, it can take time and we might need to forgive them over and over again.  The gravity of the situation will often require repeated forgiveness.  As we grow to identify more with what Jesus has done for us rather than what someone has done to us, we will find ourselves being strengthened and transformed by the One who took our sin when He knew no sin.  Through forgiveness, the Holy Spirit has led me to freedom and out of bitterness, transforming my heart and giving me a fuller joy.