Last month, my family remembered and celebrated my older sister’s birthday. Kim passed away unexpectedly seven years ago after a brief illness. She would have been 65 this year.

In the wake of her death in 2018, I wrestled to make sense of what had happened. I kept asking, “God! Why?!? Why did you allow this to happen?” I confess that I found it difficult knowing how to speak to God, how to even approach him, and what I might say. In my heartbreak and pain, God seemed silent.

Most of us can relate. There are times when, if we’re honest, we question God. We wonder why he’s not responding in a way we can understand or see.

Maybe you find yourself there now. I know I do.  

With the tragic and public murder of Charlie Kirk, we find ourselves grieving for his widow and children, baffled by the senseless violence and loss of life, and angry at the toxic political dialogue and name-calling from all points along the political spectrum.

In addition, there are new tragedies every week – school shootings, natural disasters, and ongoing wars in various parts of the world. 

And to top it off, there are the personal burdens we carry – illness, the loss of a loved one, a prodigal child, a broken relationship.  

The question is, what do we do with this? How are we meant to pray faithfully when hardship feels thick and hope seems desperately thin? How do we speak to God when there are no words or categories, no language with which to approach him?

The good news is that God has given us a model of prayer in the Book of Psalms for these exact situations. We call them psalms of lament. “Lament” is simply the honest expression of our sorrows and questions before God.

Praying these psalms has long been the practice of the people of God when they’re at the end of themselves. They help to express deep emotions and feelings we might struggle to bring to God, giving us permission to experience pain instead of tamping it down, helping to bring us into his presence.

Jesus modeled this for us from the cross, praying Psalm 22:1: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

This kind of prayer saturates around 40% of the psalms, but I want to recommend three that may help you or others you know in difficulty – Psalm 13, 22, and 74.

We see a pattern in these and many laments –

• an expression of complete honesty (even complaint) before God (Psalm 13:1 – “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?”),
• a plea for his response and rescue,
• and an expression of trust.

As I look back, praying these kinds of prayers sustained me as I grieved my sister’s death. They didn’t necessarily answer the question, “Why?” But they did something more profound and helpful - they gave me permission to be honest before God, ushering me into his presence, and eventually bringing healing and restoration.

May the psalms of lament be a guide for your prayers in the hardest moments.