Why is it that forgiving ourselves can be one of the most difficult things to do?  I know I have struggled to do it, or rather, receive it.  And it is possible that there can be times when we are not even aware that we need to receive forgiveness. Most often, we don’t recognize it until we are exhausted or burned out. Maybe we have a restlessness that we just can’t seem to shake off.  Unforgiveness, in any form, is always heavy-laden, including unforgiveness towards ourselves. And whether we know it or not, the things we are not so aware of, the things buried deep down, can be just as heavy-laden, sometimes even more so.

I know I have experienced times in my life when I felt something was not right, and even though I couldn’t put my finger on it, I certainly felt the weight of it. But as I walked along with the Lord, His Holy Spirit, the Helper, helped me. He began to give me eyes to see that I needed to receive God’s forgiveness, and I also needed to forgive myself. As the Helper brought this to light, I began to consistently pray about it, asking God to search my heart for any thoughts or ways that I needed to repent of and to give me the humility to receive forgiveness. I have a bent towards wanting to earn my own way and desiring to never fall short of any expectations and get mad at myself when I do.  Learning to pray, “Help me, Lord, to receive your forgiveness and help me to forgive myself,” has been essential in my journey.   It was life-changing when I realized “who am I to hold unforgiveness against someone who Jesus has forgiven.”  And that someone was me!  When I realized this in my heart – not just in my head – that we are all broken and will all make mistakes and need forgiveness, and this means I will need to not only ask for forgiveness but to forgive myself. I discovered how powerful and life-changing it was to say out loud, “I am forgiven,” “I receive forgiveness,” or have a brother or sister-in-Christ pray for me and hear them say, “Christ has forgiven you.” 

And when doing so, it remains essential that we do not stay focused on what we have done after we repent; instead, we set our minds to look upward to Jesus and open our hearts to receive His forgiveness. As Corrie Ten Boon beautifully states, “When we confess our sins, God casts them into the ocean, gone forever.  And then even though I cannot find a Scripture for it, I believe God places a sign out there that says: No Fishing Allowed.” While it can be tempting to wallow in the guilt, shame, and condemnation- believe me, I know- but wallowing turns us inward to ourselves, but repentance turns us upward to our Savior, where we can then receive the very thing we need most- forgiveness.  Remember, as believers, we are both sinners and saints, so we need to continually allow the Holy Spirit, the Helper, to reveal sin. He is faithful and will lead us in the particular type of repentance and forgiveness we need. There may be times in the journey when we easily recognize the areas, and there may be occasions where we need to spend time with the Lord and allow His Spirit to reveal to us any way that needs to be realigned, so that we may receive forgiveness, extend it to ourselves, and encounter His joy more fully.  

I have learned over the years that the Holy Spirit will not reveal anything that He cannot forgive, heal, renew, and transform. So, we may have confidence in the Helper and His faithfulness. Receiving forgiveness has been one of the most wonderful things to draw me closer to the Lord. And in doing so, I feel I have gained a greater awareness of the presence of God and a growing understanding of what is in my own heart, and asking the Lord to make it more like His.